Travel to The Past
by MewIchigoSasuSaku
Summary: Konoha,18 years after kyuubi attack, is in ruins. Future Sakura gets sent into the past to change that. Watch her adventures in a world she already knows. SasuSaku NaruHina ShikaIno NejiTen.-slightly crackish if you squint- T for language. Time-travel
1. Jumping in the Time Loop Hole, yay

**Chapter 1: Jumping in the time loop hole, yay (note sarcasm)**

**A/n: Hi everybody! I have re-written the story because it sucked :| **

**It'll still be humor-parody-ish and veryyyy much sarcasm included but less copyright infringements and bullshit :) hope you like this one better!**

**Sakura POV**

The sun is shining over the ruins of that which once was Konohagakure. The sky is clear even though it has continuously rained. It's as if though the gods are laughing at us, sheesh such assholes.

I am lying down on the burnt grass and re-re-re-re-re-re-re-rethinking about what has happened up until now. So… yea…imma tell you now.

* * *

There was this great ninja war thingy. Madara stirred things up and turned the Kages against Konoha.

It was basically Konoha vs. the whole-fuckin-universe. Go us! (I'm sarcastic duh) You probably already realized the outcome. Ninjas these days can't fight properly. Seriously, we were like 20000000 vs. 100000 and still lost, I miss Ibuki and Anko, they would know how to differentiate genin from chuunin!

* * *

My drinking buddies are gone, that sucks, and also the other losers I called palls. Anyways I always liked to go at the bar and have a drink. Since Tsunade is gone…it has never been the same, but meh whatever.

* * *

Konoha 12 is now Konoha 2. You heard me right ONLY 2: Sasuke and Me. Poor guys, at least they died with pride…except for Rock Lee-who died from a wedgie- and Chouji –choked to death, that's what you get when you eat while battling.

* * *

I'm alone with Sasuke, which is on the 'evil' What? Don't look at me like that! A young maidens heart sways in all directions they say! (Except for homo ways, that is just sick)

* * *

I still like him so that makes it even more awkward.

* * *

This 'Danzo' evil rokudaime dude replaced Tsunade-shishou. She is currently in a comatose state.

* * *

Naruto is gone. I haven't cried that much since Sasuke left the village.

* * *

Akatsuki is winning big time. Enough said.

* * *

My life sucks

* * *

I don't have where to go. What will I do? Am I going to sleep in the night sky? Of course I'm a ninja and I do this on a regular basis but I still don't like it.

* * *

Did I say my life sucks?

That was all. Wow, such a long list…

"Sakura…"said Sasuke, god that scared the hell outa me.

"What do you want?" I replied. I sounded a little mean but he deserves it!

"I'm sorry" What? Did I hear right? Am I going nuts? I was nuts to begin with but…

"For what?" Smart move me. "For everything" Everything… just like when he left _'Thank you for everything'_

"You're not helping me with apologizes, Sasuke" He's just tearing my heart to little pieces, even though I won't admit but I'm kinda happy.

"I know" "_I know_ you know"

"…"  
"Why are you doing this?"

"Why…"  
"Because I love you"  
"And you're not even replyin- Wai-WHAT?" I really need to get my ears checked…Wow now I'm feeling bubbly and happy. This guy still has control over me it seems  
"Don't make me repeat myself"  
"Gomen Sasuke-kun but you're a little too late…"I said waving my hand at the mess that once was Konoha. (A/n: Any déjà vu's?)  
"I know" Wow. Das ist blood as the Germans would say.

"That's why I'm gonna make things right" That would be the longest sentence he ever said.  
"It's too late for that "I fidgeted and bowed my head.  
"No it isn't –you– will start it over" Say what? What does he mean, 'start over' how can _**I**_ do that? I would give anything to do that  
"What do you mean by that? Can't _you_ do that?"  
"No" He said and gave me a peck on the lips. My legs began to wobble as I was melting.

Suddenly a ...hole (WTH is a hole doing there?)… Appeared and was sucking me in. Sasuke and I locked gazes for a last moment.

"Bye Sakura" _'Good bye Sasuke-kun'_ I've decided that from now on I'll try my best and do what I can.

Ze Speciale el Grande Burrito mui mucho kewl und awesomesauce.

Sakura: Wth is going on in here?

Sasuke: Well read for yourself

Sakura: -reads chappie- so…the old me in the other fic will never be back?

Naruto: well… no. And Dattebayo! Why didn't I appear?

Sasuke: Because you're dead dope

Sakura: Duh

Naruto: But I'm still a pimp biatch

Sakura: Naruto..What did you smoke?

Sasuke: Dobe…

Naruto: What?

…Le Sigh…

**A/n: Woohoooooo**

**So...whad'ya think? Is it anyway better? Imma post the second chapter in less than a month. I want to try and do long interesting chapters.**

**Should I delete the old story, or keep that one going and delete this one?**

**Vote in my poll or review please.**

**Reviews make me happy!**

**Thanks to all of you readers whom have always been by my side.**

**Remember that I love you all, no matter of age or nationality. :) **

**PS: 5 Ms Word pages! I pwn you. A new record for me. The next chapters will surely be longer!**


	2. Sasuke the emo bastard appears in a Tutu

A/n: Wow. Thanks guys! I've been flooded with emails 'story alert added' and 'review alert' and 'favorite alert'. You can make a girl happy :) I hope I won't disappoint you

Really. All time-travel fics should be humorous. Like WTF You can play with the timeline, whilst making certain characters know what's going to happen!

IT'S THE EPITOME OF FUN like eating 23 boxes of skittles in a gulp each and running with just a t-shirt on in the middle of winter! Fer serious.

Chapter 1: Sasuke the assholeish emo bastard appears…Dressed in a Tutu

Recap: I'm not going to retell what happened. Go read the last chapter. (Duh)

I woke up sweaty and tired. I had a weird dream. I dreamt that Sasuke sent me in the past.

I pulled my blanket over my head as it was still nighttime. Then I realized that I shouldn't have a blanket. Or a bed for that matter.

I jumped up and looked around me. I was in a room with cream walls and a big mirror in the corner. Haha, just like my old room. Wait ". 3…2…1…blast off" my inner (when did she appear??!!!)said

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!" My scream pierced through the walls and cracked a window. Ups my bad.

"OMG Sakura are you ok??!!!" My mom barged into the room. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Halleluiah. I was 12 again. Woopiedupie (sarcasm).

"Yea I had a nightmare…he…he…" I rubbed the back of my head and smiled sleeplessly.

"Are you sure you're ok? You look like you've seen a ghost." "Yea I'm fine shut shun go back to sleep" "Ok honey…" my mother replied and walked away, closing the door after her.

So I'm in the past. I can make another future. And get a sundae. I'll get the sundae first.

Back to the subject. I need a makeover. Quick. Fortunately it's only 3am or something like that.

I took another glance at the girl that stared back at me in the mirror. First I'll cut the hair. No more drama. I took a pair of scissors and snipped it off. After a few touch-ups it was perfect. My bangs were hanging above my shoulders and the back of my hair was 3 cm below my shoulders. Then I pulled out my old clothes and sorted out through them. I finally found my clothes from when I was 15. I tried them on and they miraculously fit me.

I realized I didn't know what day it was so I looked at the calendar. The date was marked with red. The day we were assigned in teams. It was still 5 am and I shouldn't be at the academy till 8 am. I tied my hair in a ponytail and jumped out the window.

I should test my strength.

Finally I arrived in the middle of the woods where no one could hear me. I punched a tree and it broke in half. Good. I at least have my strength. After a couple of training sessions I discovered I had all my powers from the _future_. (as I will call it from now on)

LATER (7am)

So I was thinking (le gasp). Should I make up with Ino-pig? Nah.

That sucks. Ya know, maybe I should. Gotcha. I won't.

That's it! I'm making up with Ino!

I was a corner away from Ino's house. I need a battle plan. Gah, plans are Shikamaru's job. Meh.

"INOOOOO-CHAAAAAAAN" I screamed while running towards the poor girl, whom just took a step out of the door, with anime tears streaming down my face. So much for making a good plan.

"What the hell are you high on forehead girl?" She raised a brow and locked the door. Even ninjas have to lock their doors kids!

"I want us to make up" I nonchalantly said in-a-matter-of-fact tone. Yes I know that sentence is full of grammatical errors. Bite me.

"Wow, that was blunt." "So…?" "Ok, whatever"

"Whop-dee-doo, I thought you would be happier."

"What. Ever"

"Wanna buy an ice-cream?"

"Sure lets go"

And so we skipped towards the rainbow with the sun setting behind waves and us and the whole melodramatic setting. NOT. We went to buy those ice creams and the asshole dude that sold them dropped one over my hair. And asked me to pay for it.

So I kinda freaked and kicked him in the groin. Hard. It's gonna need an icepack or the babies are in danger.

Later at the academy.

We were the first ones there. Yay. (Not)

I took the same seat as the last time and convinced Ino to do the same. ("OMGThatSeatIsPerfect YoureSoGonnaSitThere" "OMGYes!!!")

Tsk tsk tsk Ino-pig. Still have no brain, ne?

The classroom started filling up with kids that I never bothered remembering. Oh look Sasu-cakes came. And he is sitting in his usual emo corner. Somebody needs to put a flashlight in there. I think it's too dark to see. Because, like fer serious, the EMOsfere is so thick you can touch it!!

Naruto entered. "Oi, Naruto-no-baka! Come sit here!"

"GASP" Everyone in the whole friggin Fire Country turned and looked at me with eyes like saucers and mouths wide open.

"Um…what's wrong? Why the fuc* are you staring at me?" So El Spectatorez turned around and continued doing… what they were doing. (Duh, no shit Sherlock)

"So Naruto are you coming or not?"

"Yea, sure Sakura-Chan!!!!" Poor loser dashed towards where I was sitting and realized that the only empty space was next to Emolord.

"Oi Teme I'll defeat you! You bastard!"

"What. The. Hell. Naruto?"

"You know what I'm talking about, you sneaky bastard!" And so Naruto positioned himself on Sasuke's table and started a glaring contest.

An idiotic ass accidentally elbowed Naruto into Sasuke. I charged towards them and the worst thing ever happened. The idiotic blonde dragged me and Sasuke down and the 3 of us locked lips. Bleh. The fan girls glared at me and the Dope while the boys laughed. Way to go Sakura.

Naruto was the idiot that we all love and forgot the fact that he and Sasuke kissed and was happily sighing with a blush across his face, probably imagining me doing something nasty. Oh I'll show him nasty.

Sasuke on the other hand was choking himself to death. Enough said. I looked around the room. Hinata was blushing madly. Heh I've always known she was a closet pervert. How did I know? Because I'm awesome like that! Ino was gaping so Shikamaru put a hand over her mouth. So sweet. Kiba was laughing at Naruto. Wait. _Kiba was laughing at Naruto_. I turned around and saw Naruto licking the floor and screaming "EWWW Teme's germs" So much for acting normal.

Just then, my savior, Iruka-sensei entered the classroom. Everyone got to their seats and I, being the lady that I am sat between the two pre-teens to bonk them in the head if they embarrass themselves.

"So blabblabla you know the drill blabla. Team 7." Sakura's head perked up. "Haruno Sakura" the teacher continued. "Uzumaki Naruto" "YATTA!!!" The _Dope_ threw his hands into the air and gave us his trademark foxy-grin.

I slapped my head at the blonde's loudness. In a split second you could see his face implanted into the table and my fist _steaming_ from the impact.

"OOOWWW! Who did that? Imma kill you whoever you are, 'ttebayo!"

"Naruto. Shut. The. Fuc*. Up."

"Ahem as I was saying: Team 7-Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. Sensei-Hatake Kakashi" Naruto deadpanned after hearing Emo ass's name.

"Why does the great me have to be in the same team with a loser like him? EH?" The loudmouth screamed as I cringed from the volume and pitch of his voice"

"Because Naruto you were the last classed blablabla"

"Oh."

"No shit Sherlock"

"That was mean Sakura-Chan"

"Whatever"

"Now." Iruka raised his voice.

"Team 8-Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino. Sensei- Yuuhi Kurenai" The kids didn't comment anything.

"Team 10-Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji and Nara Shikamaru. Sensei- Sarutobi Asuma."

"_Pst Sakura_"

"_What Ino?_"

"_You don't know how lucky you are. I'm stuck with fat-ass and lazy-ass_"

"_It's better than ADD kid and Emo Queen_"

"_I thought you liked Sasuke_"

"_I__ thought __you__ liked Sasuke_"

"_Well, I was just into the flow_"

"_Me too_"

"_That's awkward_"  
"_Yea, it is_"

"_Whatever_"

"_Whatever_"

"You are now dismissed. After lunch you will meet your teachers" And with that Iruka Poofed away.

The classroom was thrown into havoc by the enthusiastic Genin talking to their newly found teammates.

I felt like eating outside. I slided the door and walked down the hallways.

I sat down on the nearest bench and realized that it was _The Bench_. That brings back memories.

As I was recalling memories from the future, Chicken Butt cut (it rhymes!) was striding towards me. It was obvious that it was Naruto disguised as Sasuke but I decided to humor him.

"_Sakura, your forehead is so wide I want to kiss it_"

"Was that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?"

"A compliment"

"_Sureeeee_ it was"

"Anyways only the Dope would say something like that"

"Agreed" Unbeknownst to me the idiot was cursing himself in his mind.

"So…do you actually want anything from me?"

"What do you think about Naruto?"

"That was blunt. Well…he's a loud-mouthed idiotic bitch. And he has an unhealthy obsession with his ramen. But he's okay. Most likely like a brotherly figure to me"

Before he could retort his mouth turned into a frown.

"I gotta go to the bathroom." He yelled while running away.

Tsk Tsk Tsk…Dope…

A few seconds later, the _real Emo Queen_ was looking around for something.

"Have you seen the dead-last?" I pointed towards the bathroom. He nodded and left mumbling something along the lines of 'He's so gonna get it' 'that fuc*ing loser'

The bell rang, marking the end of the break and everyone headed towards the classroom.

Slowly but surely the newly made Genin met with their sensei and we were the only ones left in the classroom.

"Gah, when will our stupid teacher arrive?" Naruto screamed while running around in circles like the retard he is.

"Shut up Dope" The broody boy snapped at the idiot.

I looked around inside the benches to find something –_anything_- interesting. It seems like lady-luck smiles on me today, because I've hit the jackpot.

Inside Iruka's desk was an untouched bottle of sake.

Inside _Iruka's_ desk was an untouched bottle of sake.

Inside Iruka's desk was an untouched bottle of sake.

Inside Iruka's desk was an **untouched** bottle of sake.

Inside Iruka's desk was an untouched bottle of _**sake**_.

_**Inside Iruka's desk was an untouched bottle of sake!!**_

So that's how he manages to get through the rough days filled with Naruto.

Anyways I pulled out the bottle and yelled. "BANZAI!!" I took a sip, then a mouthfuls and then gulped down the whole bottle.

"Sakura-Chan what did you just drink?"

"Sake of-hic-course, you moron."

"What. The. Hell. Sakura?" Sasuke asked me, a brow arched.

"Watch your fuc*ing trap, you fuc*ing assholeish jerktard!"

"Dude, you like swore a LOT more than he did. Dattebayo!"

"So what."

"She has a point Dope."

Naruto then took the eraser and raised on his toes to put it on the doorframe.

"Na-hic-ruto, what the fuc* are you doing?"

"He deserves what's coming to him Sakura-Chan. Dattebayo!"

"Dobe, he's a JONIN for fuc*'s sake. He will not fall for something like that." Emotard stated.

"Sasu-hic- ke has a point but I agree with the moron."

"See teme? Sakura-Chan likes me more! 'ttebayo!"

Just then Kakashi entered in all his glory and was welcomed by the eraser.

"My first impression of you guys is—" Kakashi started, Naruto and Sasuke looking expectedly at him" "—I hate you guys"

"Thanks a lot jerk face!" I shouted at him.

"What's with her?" Kaka-sensei asked

"Ignore her, she's drunk."

"Oh, anyways meet me at the rooftop." With that said he Poofed.

"Race you there teme!"

"You're on dope!" And so they san towards the staircase.

I, as smart as I am, jumped out the window and climbed using chakra.

A few minutes later Sasuke and Naruto got in there at the same time looking awfully tired.

"How the hell did you get here this fast Sakura-Chan?"

"I climbed the wall, duh, you fuc*tard" I smartly replied.

"Smart move girl" Kakashi said and hi-five-ed me.

"Now how about introductions?" The sensei said, his face buried in his porn. Pervert.

"You first"

"Okay. My name is Hatake Kakashi, I like-"

A/n: That's all folks! I thought I'd end this with a cliffhanger. Why? Because I'm evil like that.

I spent days with this chapter and it took 6 Word pages! 2,174 words!

Now please review because I've worked my ass off.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

If I get 6 reviews or more I'll try to update the next chappie before New Year!

Review. Hope you liked it.


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